TRYNKA IN THE KLYNKA!

-Kilo Pop Star Arrested At Enviro Demo

Cast the dragnet at any tree-hugger rant these days, and you'll never know what celeb you'll snag. At last Friday's "NO2 CO2" rally outside Whitehall, the catch-of-the-day was none other than Trynka Zhenk, gammy lead singer of the in-and-out-of-retirement pop group Kilopop!. Charged with creating a public nuisance (was she singing, we wonder?), Ms. Zhenk refused bail and was bound over until sentencing. Also nabbed for more serious bobbie buvvering was the band's manager and spokes-dyke Andrea van Kuijk. "Trynk is dead serious about this issue," Ms. van Kuijk told anyone who bothered to listen, "and I come from a country that's 87% below sea level. If you like tulips and Edam cheese, you'll shove it up Bush NOW." We think we know what she meant...

Sidebar:

...AND FAH-YURK FAH-YUCKED FAH-YUP!

-Kilopop!'s Furk Zhenk says he's broke: UK beef scare to blame

While his singer sits in stir, Kilopop!'s swengali Furk Zhenk is caught up in his own downward spiral-"I was blissfully retired from the music business, when four years ago I was advised to invest everything I had in UK cattle futures...bloody brilliant, eh?" So it's a reluctant Furk who okay-ed a pending "Best Of" release and announced a return to the lucrative summer festival circuit...all now in jeopardy since Trynka's arrest: "I share my sister's politics, but we can't very well rehearse or play shows if she's in jail." Guess you won't be recording that jingle for the British Beef Board, eh wot?

-30-